I thought I had forgotten how to sign in to the blog!  Low and behold, the computer remembered my password.  Good thing, as I have no idea what it is.  I can't believe that it has been almost a year since my last posting.  Guess I had other things to do.....

But w

Got a new job.  Can't believe I waited so long to find something new.  I really really disliked working the night shift, and the crazy hours and poor sleeping habits were slowly killing me.  So now I have a job I enjoy with people who make me laugh.  While I miss a few of my old friends, I have been keeping in touch and moving on with my career.  I'm sleeping better which makes Life look so much brighter!

School is going well.  Killing myself to study and be an overachiever all while working full time and being a wife/mother.  I really enjoy the program and the friends I have met, but feel like anything less than an A is not good enough.  I'll have to work on that this year.  I want my study habits to be a source of inspiration and influence on my kids, but don't want my obsessions and crazy expectations to negatively influence them.  Balance is tough to find.

Still working on taking care of myself.  My thyroid is slowly dying and I have to figure out how that will affect the rest of my life.  This autoimmune process may rear its ugly head again as I get older.  Aging sucks.  Thank goodness for modern medicine and health insurance!

But when I stop, which isn't very often, I thank God that I have been blessed with my husband and children, my health and my career, my family and my friends.  In the end that is all that matters.  Love.

Life is a whirlwind

I had a few days off and now I've been back to work for 2 nights.  I'm ready for a vacation.  The whirlwind has started again and I'm dizzy already.  We are behind in laundry and there is very little fresh food in the fridge; a few drops of milk remain and I think we will have hot dogs for dinner.  There are bills due tomorrow....thank goodness it's payday...and tonight is my only night off until Sunday.  The little babe is getting a cold and the older babe is slacking off on her chores.  How is it that time seems to change in its passage and pass more quickly as I get older?

But while I'm in a constant state of chaos and dizziness, when I take a minute to focus I see my family and smile.  My girls are fun, beautiful people who deserve a Mom who focuses and them and my husband deserves a wife who is smiling and fun.  I have a warm home and a dependable job, friends who love me and a family who supports us.  We are healthy with no serious illnesses and have been blessed in so many ways.  That is how I survive the chaos.

Chocolate Chip Cookies

Thank goodness for the frozen cookie dough fundraiser at school!  We hosted our Bible study group last night and as leaders of the evening's study it was our turn to provide dessert.  I had all the ingredients and intentions to make chocolate chip cookies from scratch, as it really doesn't take too much time and they are really tasty.  But then I got home from a doctor's appointment and running a few errands and decided I was pooped.  The thought of making cookies was a bit too much for me.  It wasn't actually making the cookies that was too much be it was the thought of the clean-up that turned me off --  washing all of the measuring cups and mixing bowl and spoons.  I remembered the dough in the basement and fired up the oven.  In 15 minutes I had fresh home baked cookies with only 2 cookie sheets to wash.  As far as my guests were concerned they were home made.

Mother of the Year?

I think I lost the "Mother of the Year" award already, and the year has just gotten started.  Tonight my older babe made dinner for us, breakfast for supper, and made pancakes and scrambled eggs.  She did it all by herself.  The little babe enjoyed her first tasting of eggs and I enjoyed not having to make dinner.  My late afternoon nap put me in a foul mood, so it was better that she took the lead for dinner.  Or else we may not have eaten at all.

So after all was cleaned up we listened to her practice her flute - she is quite good, if I do say so myself - we headed up for baths, showers and bedtime.  My older babe made a cup of hot chocolate while we reviewed her math homework and then while we sat together on the couch, I promptly fell asleep while she read.  The next thing I knew it was 90 minutes later, the girls were asleep and I was amazed at how the evening had turned out.  I had big plans to catch up on paperwork, bills, and to call my mother.

I feel awful that I fell asleep on my older babe.  I'm also ashamed to admit that it isn't the first time.  Tomorrow I will apologize profusely and then try to make it up to her.  How, I don't know.  Do you think she'll be scarred for life?

I had lunch with a friend today and really enjoyed our visit.  During our chat I realized that she has had experiences with her kids that are similar to the experiences I have had with mine and this made me feel like I wasn't a horrible mother.  I realized that I am normal and my girls are too.  You wouldn't believe how much comfort this brought me!  My friend, who raises a few chickens, made a comment about her daughters and play dates and how they were important...I realized that our lunch was a grownup play date and it is important for moms to have play dates too.  Life is too short to work all the time.

I have been up all night working the night shift.  Got home after braving commuter traffic and got my loving husband and the little babe off for their day.  I threw in a load of laundry so it could be washing while I sleep, then started the dishwasher so it can be emptied later.  A few minutes later I stepped in a puddle of water in my kitchen...the lovely dishwasher is leaking!  I'm too tired for this!  So, I make a call to the repair people, who promptly put me on hold.  I just want to go to bed, as I have to get up at 2 p.m.  That is less than 4 hours from now.  I go back on Mom duty then.  It is my turn to carpool for CCD.

So while waiting on the phone I decide to try the on-line service, to make the appointment on-line.  The customer service rep transfers me to someone else after I have gone through my story, as he can't help me.  The second guy wants to troubleshoot the problem online.  I don't have time for this, I tell him.  I want to go to sleep!  I don't tell him I want to go to sleep - he probably wouldn't understand.  So he just makes the appointment...for NEXT WEDNESDAY!  What busy mom wants to hand wash dishes for a week??!!  I think I'll run the dishwasher anyway, when I'm up, with towels on the floor and a small dish to catch the leaking water.  Sound good?  Hopefully the clothes washer is feeling healthy...we are behind in our laundry!

My 2013 started out with a bang - literally.  Just before midnight my loving husband dragged me out of my chair and onto the floor, to sit next to him and the older babe.  He was laughing and the older babe was just too excited.  The ball dropped in Times Square and the clock changed to 2013 and we all hugged and kissed.  Then the older babe tackled me and I lost my balance, falling straight back into the chair I had only recently been sitting in.  I hit the back of my head square on the wooden seat of the chair.  WHACK!  It really hurt.  I immediately had a headache and while I caught my breath the family went to fetch ice for my injury.  If the first 60 seconds of the new year are any indication, then I am in for an interesting 2013.  Hopefully one that is not full of injury or traumas....but perhaps healing.  Is that a good way to spin it?

So today is New Year's Eve and while I would like to spend the evening at home, in my pajamas, going to bed early, I am actually heading out to an event at the family's house.  It doesn't start until 7 p.m., which is going to be tough for me.  I'm tired already thinking about having to stay up until midnight.  I am either a party pooper or an old fart.  New Year's Eve is just another night for me, not some awesome celebratory evening where magic happens at midnight.  When midnight finally comes the only thing I feel is grateful -- grateful that I can finally go to bed.  Yeah - I must be getting old.

New Year's Resolutions....should I bother?  I can't remember how last year's resolutions turned out so that must mean that they didn't work.  This morning on the Today Show, a segment done on New Year's resolutions and stated only 75% of people lasted more than 1 week with their resolutions.  So, do I try again?  Yes.  New Year's is like hitting an imaginary "reset" button, the one that allows you to start fresh.  Though I'm not sure how this is different from the fresh start we get every morning when the sun rises again and a new day has started.  I'll have to think about that one.

So, in this public forum (ha! ha!) I resolve to:  pray more and complain less, smile more and focus more on the beautiful aspects of my life.  I will take more time for myself and spend less time with the mundane tasks that make me crazy.  The dishes will still get done, but perhaps a bit less promptly.  If you could see my kitchen you would know that I started this resolution early!  I resolve to spend more time in silence so I can hear my thoughts and change them to be more positive and healthy.  I will relax more and spend more time recharging my spirit so my everyday experiences are healthier and I am a better mom and wife.  I will laugh more, cry less, and live every day with joy.  I have a blessed life and will be more conscious about cherishing it everyday.

I could go on but I won't.  I know in my heart what I want to do.  I now pray I will have the time and courage to persist with these resolutions.  Have I set the bar too high?  Perhaps...I guess we will find out next week.